The Joy Of Abnormality

A friend I haven't seen for ages e-mailed me the other day. Actually it was Face book that made her curious as to what I was up to these days. We were best friends all throughout elementary school. When we got to high school we went our separate ways because of life and growing up. But we're talking again. It's weird but we still have a lot in common. She's trying to get a career though. Which is the farthest thing from what I'm trying to achieve in my life. Her mom was always pushing her hard to get good grades and such. It must have paid off because She has an advanced English major with a double minor in History and Cultural Studies. I have a high school diploma. Which would have been great 50 years ago! I've been craving having a normal life style lately. I live the life of a typical eccentric. I get up past noon. Do many different things to pay bills. None of them are average. I pee outside. I talk to my boyfriend about work when he's on the toilet. I love middle eastern music. (I love all music as long as it's good.) When I'm stressed out I have violent nightmares about zombies and people trying to kill me. Then I kill the people in the most grotesque ways. I often wondered about sanity because of my dreams. Some of them are recurring. I never told my therapist. I think She's more of a flake then I am. I think all of them are. They make money off of people's pain.

Anyway where was I? Oh yes, a normal life. I've tried to be normal once. My emotions ate me alive. I've never been more depressed in my life then when I've tried to behave like the average person. But I just have these dreams about having a normal social life, working my way up in the economy, succeeding, and driving! If I settled down and worked on these things I wouldn't be the same. I wouldn't have time to read and discover the world. I wouldn't have time for creativity. It's too bad people do these things when they retire. You have to live life in the moment before it passes by. ESPECIALLY if you're an atheist. Because then you know there isn't anything waiting for you when you've come to your last days.
I just can't help but think what life would be like if I had been more disciplined growing up....