Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Keep On The Sunny Side

Isn't that what the old people used to say? Keep on the sunny side of life! Well, I'll try. I made it through the winter and that's an accomplishment. Now the summer is here and the sun is burning my eyes. I don't get out much.

Enjoy the months ahead! Always take time to smell the roses, or whatever is is that gets you through the night...

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Epitome Of A Tortured Genius

It's better to starve free than to be a fat slave.

All paid jobs absorb and degrade the mind.

If you're a highly creative individual that doesn't want to end up like the epitome of a tortured genius, you have to find balance. Sometimes you have to burn yourself out so you can rest. Sometimes you have to lose it. Escape from reality by running away for a day or two. There's nothing wrong with that. It's why artists say they don't ask for inspiration. It comes to them. Nature made you the way you are. It's your instinct. Right brain thinkers use their intuition more than logical folk. They tend to see what's in front of them. They use the information given to them and most of the time don't think to come up with their own ideas. But Intuitive people get emotional when they sense something isn't right. I know life's a bitch. But you shouldn't have to take pills to become the ideal model citizen. Don't be a victim of the world. All great artists create until they don't have the strength. If you give up in life a million little things will chip away at you. You should never stop being the genius you are. Let the voices in your head overcome you. Keep creating until they fall silent. Show the world what it's shown you. If your head doesn't work right, follow your heart. Age with grace. Be a composer.


I'm worried because I've seen allot of brilliant people in my life, lose that spark of intellect due to numbing themselves. Weather it's from prescripted meds or street drugs. When your body adjusts to them you need to up the dosage. I've worked in a mental institution before. In my opinion, insanity is biting people and drinking from the toilet. Severe mental retardation is insanity. Bipolar disorder is a term used to describe your current imbalanced emotional condition. If you let your fears and your emotions control you, your sanity will gradually become worse and worse. There are varying degrees of these episodes. They start off as general anxiety and depression. From there you have panic attacks, then mania, then psychosis and finally Schizophrenia. They are all just your body and your mind reacting to stress. They can be controlled without the use of prescribed meds. Your sanity is your responsibility. Unfortunately, when we are labeled with such vices, it gives us an excuse to justify our behavior, without questioning why we feel such strong emotions in the first place. Our feelings can be dealt with in a healthy way. Managing ones emotions shouldn't mean holding them back. We should except that we have these emotions and instincts for a reason. To survive our harsh environment. Evolution gave you tear ducts for a reason. It's response to stimuli. Use them when necessary. When you cry all those natural body chemicals flood out of you.

It's sad that it takes a person so long to figure out who they are and what life is. But once you do, It's best to drink life in as much as possible, if and when you can. There's nothing wrong with you. There never was anything wrong with you. The world around you however, is a different story. You're an intelligent and passionate. The traumatic experiences you have had in your life or have read about have taken its toll on your nerves. If you have high levels of testosterone in your body, that can be a problem too. All that energy is looking for an escape. There are thousands of people with mental problems that have learned to cope with stress through Traditional Chinese medicine, philosophy, meditation, yoga etc. There's a reason these methods have been practiced for centuries. They come from a time when people had to live with the harshest of rulers, with little to no human rights. In ancient China for instance, rose oil was very rare. If a man were to posses even a small drop, he would be beheaded. We are quickly approaching a time of tyranny and corruption. In order to survive these times with dignity and grace, alternative measures need to be taken in order to stay calm. these ancient methods should seriously be taken into consideration.

Back home, When I was a girl I use to bike down dirt roads and go swimming in the rivers. The sun doesn't come out much here and it rains allot. But there's something about those hills I find breath taking. To me they're better then the ocean. I used to have vivid dreams that I was flying over them. I've had allot of recurring dreams like that. I would be standing around, talking to a group of people and then suddenly float upwards, rise over the trees and the hay fields, and soar. I wonder what the psychology of that is?

Love And Creativity

"Happiness is a physiological process which is related to creativity. The happiness that comes from having your love returned is like a chemical elixir, pumping endorphins and other hormones through the brain, keeping neurons firing at top capacity. Neurons work with information, and the memories that are forming during the course of a good relationship are very strong creative enhancers. Ever wondered why it takes so long to get "over" a long-term relationship? That's the depth of the neurological involvement showing its less-than-lovely side. As long as the relationship continues, however, that neurological development goes on at many different levels. We know that newborn babies who are unloved or separated from family because of illness or other misfortune suffer a low rate of neurological growth. Some mental processes, such as empathy, do not ever reach full development in the absence of maternal love in the first six months of life. Empathy, for example, is a prime ingredient in the writing of a great novel or short story. A fiction author cannot create compelling stories without being able to step into the shoes, minds and heart of their characters. This ability is called empathy. While the brain chemicals involved in "falling in love" have been equated with those of mental illness, the brain adjusts after a period of time and begins to rise on the curve again. If a new relationship lasts more than two years and remains healthy, it will begin to deepen sharply. This deepening can be measured physiologically as being a major factor in developing creativity"

“A man who dares to waste one hour of time has not discovered the value of life.”
- Charels Darwin

There are people that like to say that enlightenment is bullshit. It doesn't pay the bills. Neither does love and happyness. But if you have to seperate your self from all these great things to make money, isn't paying the bills bull shit?
Not that you needed to see more of this kind of thing but...\par


3.5 billion years of a mutating gene sequence has brought you to where you are right now. In those billions of years of evolution, instincts were developed in order for you to adapt and survive. In today's society survival is the main objective. But what's the point of surviving if you don't feel alive? Before the first societies were invented, there were three types of people. Leaders, followers and creators. Creativity isn't a want it's a need. Or better yet an instinct. Animals create too. Spiders create webs to catch flies. Birds weave together nests to hold their eggs high in trees. Nature creates to sustain itself. Just like all other instincts, when you repress your most primitive instincts for to long, you can suffer physical and psychological damage. For instance, If you don't have intercourse or masturbate regularly, sexual hormones and fluids build up inside of your body, making you irritable and tense. The religions that teach sexuality as being sinful have a bad reputation for being related to sexual abuse and violence for a reason. That's why madness and creativity are biased as going hand in hand. When you repress your creativity you go numb and then become anxious and depressed. Thoughts build up in your head. You don't want to eat or sleep. When you are finished creating a calm falls over you. Creating is like giving birth. Children use the right side of their brain but gradually use more of the left throughout adulthood. This could explain why creative people are so childish at times. More emotional. They hate being told what to do because it stifle creativity. Artists also need a lot of time alone time to formulate thoughts. Logical people are the opposite. They need rules and structure. Without them they panic. They need to work with other people. They are childish in their own way by having a low tolerance for different people. A negative trait children posses. I guess that's why they say there's no difference between kids and adults except for height and responsibility.

I remember seeing a movie set in the 1700's about a writer. The government didn't like his outspoken manner and he was constantly getting into trouble with the law. They took everything away from him. As a way of rebelling, he would find anything he could to write with. If I'm remembering this right (or maybe just interpreting my memories wrong) He used a rock scratching on the wall or fingernails into his skin. When they tied him up in a cell room with nothing he could possibly write with, he used his own fecal matter as a kind of paste. I can't remember how it ended for him. I'm guessing not well because it was aristocratic France. It reminds me of the quote by Gandhi.

"I cannot teach you violence, as I do not myself believe in it. I can only teach you not to bow your heads before any one even at the cost of your life."
- Gahndi


Realization is this; You and the people close to you are unknowingly floating along in a big protective bubble. You like the bubble, even though it bounces up and down at times. It's always good to stay afloat. But when someone outside tells you a secret, it's like an F5 tornado has sucked you out of your bubble, ripping it to shreds so you can never get back inside. Everything outside is swirling around and around out of control. Once you learn something you can never forget it. No matter how much you want to. Your only hope is to try and drag your loved ones out with you. You want to save them... or perhaps they can save you. But people don't like the truth. They like it in the bubble. If you tell people the truth, they shoot the messenger, because the messenger just fucked up their world big time. So now you must live in the dizzying world outside alone.

They say that over organizing things is a sign of loneliness. That could be why the civilized world is so OCD. Whites are made their brightest. Lawns don't have a weed in sight. Sit up straight. Cross your t's and dot your i's. Try to do everything the way it should be done. And spend a large portion of your income, on drinking establishments

Mother Shipton

The Mother Shipton prophecies keep coming closer and closer to fruition. An acquaintance of mine volunteers at a university teaching music. He made a terrifying observation about his students. If you were to ask them a question about something that isn't in the text-book, they look completely lost. They don't have the creative ability to make an educated guess. They're also very easily distracted. He said their frontal lobes aren't developing the way they should be. Universities that once harboured intelligent minds that exchange knowledge and ideas, have been replaced by unruly drunken children. It seems like just an extension of high school now.

In the documentary, "The Medicated Child" they show normal energetic children that have been drugged by their parents because of problems at school. My favorite part was where they interviewed a 12 yr old girl. She said "The drugs make me more like I'm supposed to be." They showed some other boys with behavioral problems. (like what boy isn't a problem) One kid was acting up in class so they put him on Ritalin. He got moody and anxious from that so they put him another pill as well. Then that offset something else so they gave him pill after pill. The kid got all bloated like Daniel Johnson and developed a nervous tick. The drugs fucked him up worse. When really all he needed in the first place was to burn off all that youthful energy. Kids are energetic. It's not ADD. You've got parents letting them grow up online, eating crappy food and drinking red bull. No wonder they can't concentrate.

The Medicated Child

I used to have tremendous panic attacks when I lived in the middle of a busy town. I was miserable and sick all the time. My therapist wanted me to take pills for my Anxiety disorder. When I asked for some alternative treatments instead, She told me to tap on pressure in between my eyebrows when I felt nervous. Can you imagine someone in public frantically tapping their forehead? How is that supposed to make anyone feel better? Then she gave me a relaxation CD with her creepy voice recorded on it. The treatments were bogus but it's all the mental health department was willing to give. When I missed a few of her appointments she gave me hell for wasting her time and money. So I didn't go back after that. Now I live in the country again. Things take their time out here. People are nice. They actually come up to you and ask you if you need help with anything. I don't get panic attacks any more. I feel alright.

I've found the cure for mood disorders. Get as far away from civilization as possible!


Certain psychiatric meds have side effects that can cause weight gain due to increased appetite, changes in how the body metabolizes sugar and decreases in activity due to sedation. They can also cause extreme thirst, tremors and vomiting. ah yes... we all need to be sedated to cope with the ever increasing waist land that is our life. I think that some people are just better at tuning the world out then others. Those that can't escape are seen as having something wrong with them that needs to be corrected. Meds don't cure these disorders. That's why therapy is recommended along with medication. A person still has to learn self monitoring skills, to identify manic episodes. Psychotherapy is helpful to learn to adjust to the disorder, as well as focusing on symptoms and issues. It's like the same pitch they use to sell dieting pills. "With this diet pill, a healthy balanced diet and exercise, you too, can lose weight!" I'll bet the balanced diet and exercise would suffice. But people are to busy to do it the right way. They want instant gratification. The same goes with debilitating mental disorders. Instead of taking the time to figure out why your going crazy, you want a quick fix.

I don't care how crazy people think I am. I'm never going to drug myself in order to be seen as sane. I want the world to see what it does to people like me. It's so much easier to tell people your having manic episodes are because you're bipolar. It's alot harder to admit that your smart and aware of how fucked up the world is. How it's slowly chipping away at your sanity. It's much easier to say "It runs in my family" then, I'm afraid. There will come a day, when all the pills in the world, won't be able to save us. Spoiled Americans need to learn the art of suffering.

Is it just a coincidence that, as our society becomes more dependant on technology, and less dependant on people, we become more depressed? Machines do everything now. People used to take pride in making everything they owned for themselves. Slowly over time, technology is replacing us more and more. Perhaps we've been changing our environment faster then we've been able to evolve to it. And the people that have once been greatly appreciated and much needed for being creative, have now fallen to the waist side. It's a litigious society and it's very hard for right brain thinkers to to make it. The arts are fueled by money. Making them as watered down as Whisky on the rocks at a bar stop in the middle of nowhere. Our literature, music and visual art masterpieces have been replaced with pulp fiction, pop music and photo shop. Science has been replaced with pseudo science. News has been replaced with misinformation. But one day it will collapse, just like all the advanced civilizations before it. Creative people will be anxious to figure out how to build it back up again.

"what the caterpillar sees as the end of the world, the master calls a butterfly"
Richard Bach