Beware the Mormon missionaries!!

I was watching an old DVD the other night of the newest Twilight Zone series. The show only lasted for two and a half seasons because it was so horridly written, but I was bored. The episode I was watching, was about missionaries going from door to door. The main character was told by the aliens, or missionaries, (whatever you prefer to call them) that he was the chosen one. In his fight to stop the aliens, he shot one that came to his door. "You shouldn't have done that!" Said one of the lady missionaries. The guy stepped outside and a group of people creepily stared back at him. The episode ended with the weird missionary freaks sprouting magical sparkly angel wings and taking the chosen ones to the promise land, while nuclear bombs were being dropped and the main character was tragically evaporated.

I would have liked the end to be more realistic. The missionaries should have been aliens not angels. Every time I go for a walk the Mormon freaks are walking around town trying to convert people and join their cult. They carry around their little Jesus pamphlets and spook people out of having pre-marital sex. Bastards. They always travel in pairs. They look to be about 18. They are so brain washed they don't even remember comming up to me every time they spot me. It wouldn't be so bad if it were the big city but everyone knows everyone else in our little inbred town.

They've come up to me like three times in the same month and talked to me in the same brainwashed tone. "Excuse me. Would you like to take a moment to talk about the Mormon something or other. Have you heard about the new Prophet so and so?" What a sales pitch. The dumb bastards even give 10 percent of their hard earned wages to the cult....or church. Same thing. The next time they come up to me, I am going to ask them if they would both like me to suck their dicks. They are 18 after all. I mean, how many chances do guys have for some random chick to smoke some pole! It will take some gentle persuading but I am sure to corrupt them. Why? Not because I am an Atheist. Not because I am an anti Christ. It is because I am Satan. :-)

No pipe cleaners please!

I was looking at other people's blogs and I came across a little Christian blog. Oh goody! I knew I wouldn't be surprised by the irrationality of this person. The woman was going on about how there should be other ways to teach kids about God without using crafts . Glitter glue and pipe cleaners are a poor way to teach kids. In the Christian womans blog there was a picture of a mother holding up a sign saying "No pipe cleaners please!" The goodly Christian quoted on the picture saying, " Good. At least somebody gets it."
What better way to teach about the Lord, then to abolish any little source of fun in Sunday school. Nothing says God is boring and he doesn't want you to have any fun, better then this. I'm sure more and more society will avert from being secular because of these bold protesters!

I remember as a kid sunday school was a real drag. You had to get up early and go to a second weirder school, Even though it was the weekend. It was always cold for some reason. You had to repeat things you didn't understand from the Bible. It was very boring. The only fun thing was gluing Jesus to stuff and making origami angels. Good harmless fun. My mom asked me when I was 7 if I wanted to go to sunday school and church anymore. I remember very clearly saying, the only thing I really liked about it was exchanging presents on Christmas and making crafts. My mom smiled and told the lady on the phone that I wouln't be going to church anymore. I've been a happy athiest ever since. :-)