Relief From Anger

I'm a woman that doesn't cry enough. Women have hormones that change their mood quite dramatically from time to time. I hold my emotions in when I'm around people. I can only cry when I'm completely alone. I find it hard to express myself. I'm hardly ever alone, so I cram my feelings down and try to forget about them.

Emotions are a chemical response to something in our enviroment that don't leave the body until they are physically exerted through crying, exercise, yelling, sweating etc. Woman cry when they're happy, when they're mad, and sad. I just can't do it around people! The worst is when I hear a sad song or watch a depressing movie and I want to bawl so bad but there are people in the room and it would be too embarrassing. I guess I'm an ice queen. My mom was that way. She never hugged or showed much affection. That's where I get it from.

Last week me and my boyfriend went to stay at his elderly uncles to keep him company. My boyfriends assholish friend came down from where ever the hell he's from. This guy has gotten on my nerves from day one. He is very opinionated in a fascist racist sexist type of way. He always has to prove a point. He said, and I quote, "I don't like brown people. Foreigners should stay in their own country." This guy has gone to university for over 20 years and has had military training. Ha can't get a job as a teacher so he's looking into working at a call center. What an idiot. Can you see why I loathe him so. He is the type of guy that never shuts up and you can't get a word in. Did I mention he interrupts too. If it isn't annoying enough that he never shuts up, when you finally get a word in he'll talk over you anyway. I don't know why my boyfriend likes him. Someone to just hang out with I guess.

The other day he dropped my boyfriend off from their adventures in town that day. He parked the car and let the engine run for half an hour ( I timed it) while he talked my boyfriends head off. When my guy finally got out, and the ass drove off, I asked what the hell he did that for. He said it was because he hated environmentalists. He was probably talking about politics and how women don't belong running for leaders, like he always does. I was so pissed off. He's usually polite to me, which I don't understand, if he hates women so much. However I felt like it was a personal shot at me, because he could probably see me through the apartment window, and I was the only person in the area that gives a damn about nature. Leaving your engine run to get back at environmentalists is really stupid. Since it's not only environmentalists that breathe the air. Also, gas prices cost a fortune. So wasting your own gas to get back at someone that will never see what your doing is stupid. The only person that could see it was me. It pissed me off.

I bring this up because I wonder if I should have confronted him. Is that what people do when they see someone being rude? As usual I bit my tongue and held my anger at bay.

I had to make a doctor appointment the other day. The receptionist was a cranky bitch that snapped at me for trying to make a normal appointment. She was extremely rude and impatient throughout the whole conversation. Again, I bit my tongue. I was growing extremely frustrated. I never sleep well at my boyfriend's uncle's place, so It just made it worse.

I notice when things like this happen and I hold them in, I fight with my boyfriend more from the stress. I guess taking it out on a loved one makes it feel safer. We are very close and he is very understanding. He does'nt deserve my mood swings. Holding emotions in can lead to anxiety and depression problems. It can also be bad for your body.

I'm making a conscious decision to speak my mind next time I see that polluting bastard. I bet it will fell very therapeutic to take it out on someone who deserves it!