Men have no subconscious at times

I have my period, so you know I'm cranky. I get up groggy, thirsty and light headed. The light burns my eyes and I squint. I need coffee right away. Somethings different with the counter. It takes a few minutes to finally wake up and realize that everything is out of order.

"Why is the counter all messed up?" "The mice came out again. I found were they are coming from." He pointed to the small opening in the wall and explained further while my blood boiled.

We had been fighting the night before about work. However rewarding it can be working with your partner, it can also be frustrating as all holly hell.


My boyfriends excuse is that he doesn't mind mess. And he doesn't make any mess in the first place. (not true) Oh and lets not forget "I'm not very good at that stuff." No he isn't. But practice makes perfect. Cleaning is annoying if you do it constantly. You clean everything and in a day its dirty again. But if you don't keep up with it, it builds up and before you know it you have a mountain of dishes.

He's no good at repairing things either. He's the type of guy that works with his brain, not his hands. My dad has to help with repairs sometimes. When he gets to old, it's up to me. Yard work as well. My boyfriend sucks at cutting grass. He misses spots. Then he leaves all the clumps of grass lying there and doesn't bother to rake. Theses things were cute at first. Now I'm annoyed.


I don't make as much as my boyfriend and we share a house. I can't drive, so if I went out and got a job, he would have to drive me. I have awareness problems so I shouldn't be behind a wheel anyway. We both prefer working at home because jobs have become quite ridiculous in that they are harder and more degrading with less pay, then ever before. We both agreed to fight the establishment tooth and nail, and work for ourselves. It's quite difficult now, with competitors like big box stores, that mass produce things cheaply in other countries, with factories, machines and poor labourers that have big families to feed. Sometimes we get anxious and fight. Time is very limited and mistakes aren't really an option. The cost of everything is the only thing soaring to the top.


He complanes that I'm to slow and can't bring in enough monthly. He's right! I am too slow! I do need to get my ass in gear! He forgets however that I'm almost 20 years younger then him. I've never done this before and I'm terrible at marketing. I've never gone to university. I'm really terrible at things that most people can do, and better at things that most people can't do. I also have to take care of this damn place. Scrub the floors, wash the dishes, do the laundry, make the beds, scrub the toilet, clean up rat shit and the little pieces of scraps they chew on and leave everywhere. (We have to stalk up on mouse traps) Since I don't like to live in my own filth and I don't like to sit in the same clothes for four days straight and not take a bath, I guess it's up to me alone to do all this gross crap. I don't get any credit for it either. It's like it magically does itself. I have to be a maid, a gardener, a repair man, a money maker and a personal motivator. I wonder. If I brought in more then him and still did all the house work would I get any credit?

NO. Because inequality still exists. It would still be HIS house as he likes to remind me all the time. It is his house, he owns it. He just can't take care of it. Typical male.

Relief From Anger

I'm a woman that doesn't cry enough. Women have hormones that change their mood quite dramatically from time to time. I hold my emotions in when I'm around people. I can only cry when I'm completely alone. I find it hard to express myself. I'm hardly ever alone, so I cram my feelings down and try to forget about them.

Emotions are a chemical response to something in our enviroment that don't leave the body until they are physically exerted through crying, exercise, yelling, sweating etc. Woman cry when they're happy, when they're mad, and sad. I just can't do it around people! The worst is when I hear a sad song or watch a depressing movie and I want to bawl so bad but there are people in the room and it would be too embarrassing. I guess I'm an ice queen. My mom was that way. She never hugged or showed much affection. That's where I get it from.

Last week me and my boyfriend went to stay at his elderly uncles to keep him company. My boyfriends assholish friend came down from where ever the hell he's from. This guy has gotten on my nerves from day one. He is very opinionated in a fascist racist sexist type of way. He always has to prove a point. He said, and I quote, "I don't like brown people. Foreigners should stay in their own country." This guy has gone to university for over 20 years and has had military training. Ha can't get a job as a teacher so he's looking into working at a call center. What an idiot. Can you see why I loathe him so. He is the type of guy that never shuts up and you can't get a word in. Did I mention he interrupts too. If it isn't annoying enough that he never shuts up, when you finally get a word in he'll talk over you anyway. I don't know why my boyfriend likes him. Someone to just hang out with I guess.

The other day he dropped my boyfriend off from their adventures in town that day. He parked the car and let the engine run for half an hour ( I timed it) while he talked my boyfriends head off. When my guy finally got out, and the ass drove off, I asked what the hell he did that for. He said it was because he hated environmentalists. He was probably talking about politics and how women don't belong running for leaders, like he always does. I was so pissed off. He's usually polite to me, which I don't understand, if he hates women so much. However I felt like it was a personal shot at me, because he could probably see me through the apartment window, and I was the only person in the area that gives a damn about nature. Leaving your engine run to get back at environmentalists is really stupid. Since it's not only environmentalists that breathe the air. Also, gas prices cost a fortune. So wasting your own gas to get back at someone that will never see what your doing is stupid. The only person that could see it was me. It pissed me off.

I bring this up because I wonder if I should have confronted him. Is that what people do when they see someone being rude? As usual I bit my tongue and held my anger at bay.

I had to make a doctor appointment the other day. The receptionist was a cranky bitch that snapped at me for trying to make a normal appointment. She was extremely rude and impatient throughout the whole conversation. Again, I bit my tongue. I was growing extremely frustrated. I never sleep well at my boyfriend's uncle's place, so It just made it worse.

I notice when things like this happen and I hold them in, I fight with my boyfriend more from the stress. I guess taking it out on a loved one makes it feel safer. We are very close and he is very understanding. He does'nt deserve my mood swings. Holding emotions in can lead to anxiety and depression problems. It can also be bad for your body.

I'm making a conscious decision to speak my mind next time I see that polluting bastard. I bet it will fell very therapeutic to take it out on someone who deserves it!

Oprah's Big Give And Take

As much as I hate TV, sometimes I have to watch it to shut off my brain so it doesn't overload. I saw a show on the other night called "the Big Give" by Oprah Winfrey. The scenario of the show is, ten people who are given money and are challenged to find the most dramatic ways to spend it on a charity case. One person gets eliminated every week. The winner gets their biggest wish granted.

The show reminded me of the Apprentice. There were scenes with helicopters flying over a sky scraper with a sign that reads in mammoth letters " the Big Give". If the contestants can't complete their tasks or can't do it in a dramatic enough way they get booted out. Here's what makes me ill. As if "reality" shows (which are the furthest thing from reality) aren't pukey enough, you have a show that is mainly about the misfortunes and poverty of others. It's sick. Oprah is the wealthiest woman in the world. She could save all the people on the shows from poverty or whatever bad situation they're in. She has the money. But the shows main purpose is to make millions of dollars, like any other TV show, by endorsing and promoting products and people like Oprah. They are usually so loaded full of commercials that you forget what your watching anyway. The editing is fast to catch your attention. Usually there's only one second per scene, or less. This is because of the advent of the remote and recorders and such. It's our entertainment at the cost of the misfortune of others. Sad...

In the show I was watching, the least deserving person won the money. It was a woman who's husband was murdered. She lived in a supportive suburban community in a huge house with a double garage. I don't think she really needed the money as badly as one of the other contestants, who was homeless with kids. The homeless woman did win a car and scholarship for her kids, but it doesn't help her current situation. It's kind of hard to pay for car insurance when you don't have a job yet.

Anyway, instead of making loads of easy profit from poor people, they should just help them out because they can. These reality shows make a mint, because they don't have to hire actors. They call it a competition. Really it's people just trying to get out of there Wal-mart jobs and into something more full filling. What ever happened to people helping others because they WANT to, without any TV spot or financial reward?

School Shootings

The most recent school shooting happened over Valentines day of this year. In Northern Illinois University, Steven Kazmierczak entered a lecture hall full of students and opened fire, killing 6 and injuring 16. He apparently stopped taking his medication and became erratic in behavior.

School shootings date back about 50 years ago, when public school was becoming more predominant as well as a full education. The first recorded school shooting happened at the University of Texas at Austin In 1966. The killer was Charles Whitman, a student at the University. He killed 14 people and injured 31 others before turning the gun on himself. In his suicide note he requested a autopsy which later revealed a brian tumor.

Many of the 53 cases that happened in the U.S. and Canada, from 1966 until now, were commited by people with mental disorders. In the U.S. school shootings happen more then any other place in the world with a whopping 46 cases since 1966. With the lack of gun control in the states, they are becoming increasingly more frequent, with five of them happening in this passing month! Last year there were three cases apart from each other.

I don't think it's because people are 'snapping' that there is so many violent crimes occuring. The media as we all know glorifies violence because it gets peoples attention. The average person can distinguish between what's real and what's not in the media, but not everyone can. Most of the cases were from people with mental disorders that went off their medication. Many of these people adhered to violent cultures, music, books, satanic cultures etc. A lot of them were results of constant bullying.

Perhaps in this fast paced world obssessed with celebrity culture, we should be focusing on more down to earth issues. I think some of the cases could be avoided if mental disorders were given more attention. The media plays a big role in persuading the youth as well as good parenting. If there is a geeky anti social kid down your street, maybe you should see how he's doing, rather then ignoring him.

Garbage Soup

Check out:
http://www.commondreams.org/archive/2008/02/05/6856/
It's about a garbage pile floating in the ocean that stretches 500 nautical miles off the Californian coast, across the northern Pacific, past Hawaii and almost as far as Japan. It's twice the size of the continental United States.
Some day the whole ocean is going to be this way. Plastic in my opinion shouldn't be made for commercial use. To much is being discarded to quickly and the end result is choking out nature. Green Peace is going to be very busy. Companies that preach that they're being good to the environment are lying as far as I'm concerned. Eliminating plastic bags are good enough but why are they charging people for environmentally friendly bags. Why can't they go back to the ol' paper bag that doesn't cost anything? Sounds to me like another profit maker. They save all the money for not producing plastic bags free to the public, and make extra for selling shopping bags. I make my own bags. It only takes a few minutes. I think people should sell hand made shopping bags. You'd be helping out the underground economy. We have enough products made by asian child slaves as it is.

No pipe cleaners please!

I was looking at other people's blogs and I came across a little Christian blog. Oh goody! I knew I wouldn't be surprised by the irrationality of this person. The woman was going on about how there should be other ways to teach kids about God without using crafts . Glitter glue and pipe cleaners are a poor way to teach kids. In the Christian womans blog there was a picture of a mother holding up a sign saying "No pipe cleaners please!" The goodly Christian quoted on the picture saying, " Good. At least somebody gets it."
What better way to teach about the Lord, then to abolish any little source of fun in Sunday school. Nothing says God is boring and he doesn't want you to have any fun, better then this. I'm sure more and more society will avert from being secular because of these bold protesters!

I remember as a kid sunday school was a real drag. You had to get up early and go to a second weirder school, Even though it was the weekend. It was always cold for some reason. You had to repeat things you didn't understand from the Bible. It was very boring. The only fun thing was gluing Jesus to stuff and making origami angels. Good harmless fun. My mom asked me when I was 7 if I wanted to go to sunday school and church anymore. I remember very clearly saying, the only thing I really liked about it was exchanging presents on Christmas and making crafts. My mom smiled and told the lady on the phone that I wouln't be going to church anymore. I've been a happy athiest ever since. :-)

Crushing kittens to death

Me and my boyfriend were researching fetishes on the Internet and we came across the feet crushing things fetish. It derived from heels crushing cigerettes. We stumbled upon a taboo video of a chinese woman crushing a kitten with her platforms. The crushing small animals fetish, came from the crushing bugs fetish, which came from the crushing cans and various other objects, which came from the cigarette crushing fetish wich came from that scene where the good girl goes bad in the movie Grease. Soon it will be the crushing new born babies fetish. The chinese authorities are trying to look for a way for the woman to be sentenced to prison but there are currently no rules in China for animal cruelty. Some people don't look at animals as being that big of a deal I guess. The woman in the video was a nurse of all things! If that woman was cruel enough to crush a cute little baby kitty then what's from stopping her from killing or harming a child? She obviously had no nurturing instinct. Many cases of murderers have been known to torture animals before people. I hope that she gets whats coming to her. If I was there I would give her a good old fashioned ass kicking to see what crushing feels like. That might seem a bit harsh but I've always been a cat lover. I mean come on, a kitten? She better hope I never see her on the street! Fetish can turn into obssession if the fetish lover isn't careful. People need help if they get horned up over inanimate objects or violent acts. Fetishes start when people want sex without love, as crazy as that sounds! The lust over a certain thing gets boring so the luster goes to the next thing that's a little more drastic, then that gets boring and so on and so forth. I hope men think twice before perving out to a ladies feet...

I found a link for those of you who really feel a need for this. Check out the Crush Feet foot crushing site if you want to feed your jollies. At least its better than hurting an animal...