Relief From Anger

I'm a woman that doesn't cry enough. Women have hormones that change their mood quite dramatically from time to time. I hold my emotions in when I'm around people. I can only cry when I'm completely alone. I find it hard to express myself. I'm hardly ever alone, so I cram my feelings down and try to forget about them.

Emotions are a chemical response to something in our enviroment that don't leave the body until they are physically exerted through crying, exercise, yelling, sweating etc. Woman cry when they're happy, when they're mad, and sad. I just can't do it around people! The worst is when I hear a sad song or watch a depressing movie and I want to bawl so bad but there are people in the room and it would be too embarrassing. I guess I'm an ice queen. My mom was that way. She never hugged or showed much affection. That's where I get it from.

Last week me and my boyfriend went to stay at his elderly uncles to keep him company. My boyfriends assholish friend came down from where ever the hell he's from. This guy has gotten on my nerves from day one. He is very opinionated in a fascist racist sexist type of way. He always has to prove a point. He said, and I quote, "I don't like brown people. Foreigners should stay in their own country." This guy has gone to university for over 20 years and has had military training. Ha can't get a job as a teacher so he's looking into working at a call center. What an idiot. Can you see why I loathe him so. He is the type of guy that never shuts up and you can't get a word in. Did I mention he interrupts too. If it isn't annoying enough that he never shuts up, when you finally get a word in he'll talk over you anyway. I don't know why my boyfriend likes him. Someone to just hang out with I guess.

The other day he dropped my boyfriend off from their adventures in town that day. He parked the car and let the engine run for half an hour ( I timed it) while he talked my boyfriends head off. When my guy finally got out, and the ass drove off, I asked what the hell he did that for. He said it was because he hated environmentalists. He was probably talking about politics and how women don't belong running for leaders, like he always does. I was so pissed off. He's usually polite to me, which I don't understand, if he hates women so much. However I felt like it was a personal shot at me, because he could probably see me through the apartment window, and I was the only person in the area that gives a damn about nature. Leaving your engine run to get back at environmentalists is really stupid. Since it's not only environmentalists that breathe the air. Also, gas prices cost a fortune. So wasting your own gas to get back at someone that will never see what your doing is stupid. The only person that could see it was me. It pissed me off.

I bring this up because I wonder if I should have confronted him. Is that what people do when they see someone being rude? As usual I bit my tongue and held my anger at bay.

I had to make a doctor appointment the other day. The receptionist was a cranky bitch that snapped at me for trying to make a normal appointment. She was extremely rude and impatient throughout the whole conversation. Again, I bit my tongue. I was growing extremely frustrated. I never sleep well at my boyfriend's uncle's place, so It just made it worse.

I notice when things like this happen and I hold them in, I fight with my boyfriend more from the stress. I guess taking it out on a loved one makes it feel safer. We are very close and he is very understanding. He does'nt deserve my mood swings. Holding emotions in can lead to anxiety and depression problems. It can also be bad for your body.

I'm making a conscious decision to speak my mind next time I see that polluting bastard. I bet it will fell very therapeutic to take it out on someone who deserves it!

The Future Of Civilization

We're dead.
We deserve what's coming to us. I do too for not doing anything about it. Here is what I think the not so distant future is going to be like based on what's happening now:

People will have to wear gas masks to go outside. It will get hotter. Where tropical paradise used to be, there will be desert. Where desert used to be, there will be hotter and dryer desert. There won't be an ozone layer and when you go outside your skin will burn and blister and you'll get cancer right away from the radiation of the sun. People will have virtually no muscle mass due to technology always moving for them. Everyone will be on medication to be able to get through how stressful and fast paced and long work has become. Children will have to take a specific drug to concentrate and ignore all the distractions of modern life and ignore their youthful energy. There will be no leisure time to get to know anyone. Communication will be discouraged because it will effect productivity. Families won't exist. Only certain people with specific good looks and immunities to deadly viruses will be selected for breeding. These people will be ordered to breed frequently until they all no longer fertile. It will be done by artificial insemination and the fetus will be grown in an artificial womb. Everyone will be germaphobic because of all the viruses that have mutated to overcome vaccinations and the plagues that have returned from heat waves. The only sexual pleasure will be virtually online or with real looking sex dolls. Masturbation will be prohibited because we will be under surveillance in our apartments. These apartments will be very small and cramped. However 6 or 7 people will live in them to help pay the very expensive rent. The apartments will be called Human storage. The working class will often be called the Human resource by the wealthy, who use them as slaves to build there utopias and clean their Bio domes.( the wealthy will live in huge domes with no toxins in the air or water. The gardens and parks will be lush and fertile with some species of animals that have been salvaged by scientists.) Every species of animal will be extinct except for house cats and dogs. Human beings will follow in extinction soon after because of the loss of intelligence passed on, along with the instinct to love and deal with children. This loss of intelligence came mostly from the lack of needing to think from technology. Government and corporation will be responsible for this mostly because it's easier to control people when they're stupid. This will be in the government's favor at first but as stupidity of people gets passed on from generation to generation the size of the cranium shrinks because the intelligence is no longer needed. The brain will shrink to do more repetitive tasks similar to ants. Breed, work, and fight against ants of different race to make a strong colony for the Queen. You'll have to buy everything because everything will be controlled by government and corporations. Money will not exist and your bank account will always be under surveillance to make sure you always make a certain amount. You'll have to buy everything that used to come free with life. Water, Oxygen, love, Sex, school, sleep etc. Oh, wait, we already pay for everything that used to be free.

Allot of the shit I mentioned is already happening in some places.

I met up with an alien recently, that has traveled through time. Here is what he said in an interview I gave him last week.

ME: So what time do you live in? Or what time are you from?

Alien:To you our species has become what it is now, in 129 499 378 774 188 BC, but we have evolved frontal lobes that are much more advanced then yours. We have figured out a way to live in many different times and communicate through them.

ME: You must be quite smart. Can you hear what I'm thinking?

Alien:Yes. And no, we aren't going to invade your planet. We live on loads of other planets that haven't been so fucked up.

Me:How far can you travel through time?

Alien:There is no limit to time and space. It goes on for infinity. You humans only think of things as having beginnings and endings because you are born and then die. Time is actually something you invented to measure the rate of which things live and die so to speak. A human with an unusually large frontal lobe knew this once. I believe you called him Albert Einstein. You mostly seem to think of him as an equation. We have used this equation many times to go where we want. You have used most of his knowledge for making weapons of mass destruction. The math of time would have become quite useful to you.

ME: What do you mean would have?

Alien: My species has been to your future to see your demise. You collapsed your own civilizations from your own greed and ignorance. The human race could have had so much potential. They could have thrived for millions of years. They could have travelled to distant galaxies, travelled through time, to different dimensions even, find life in other places, stop the sun from going super nova, stop a giant asteroid from crashing into earth again, stop the giant black hole from devouring space to make other galaxies. They could have even made their own galaxies. Instead they stopped themselves. The bio domes you made to survive had a flaw in them. You humans have a trend of taking everything for yourself and leaving none for the next generation. This is what you did on earth and then in the domes and then in the domes you made on your moon and mars. By the time you colonized mars there was very few of you left to survive. Viruses that you were once immune to made you ill and die. By then you lost your desire to procreate due to your flawed technology and you couldn't breed as fast as you were going extinct. It's a shame. You humans are an intelligent animal but like most animals on your planet you are territorial. Your instinct to dominate surpassed your instinct to nurture. Your last human was a janitor. He was immune to most things as you can probably guess. He lived to be 35 and died in 3499.


More and more people are suffering from depression, cancer, asthma and stupidity.


I was listening to the CBC the other day and a scientist was talking about how whenever a new technological discovery is made there is no question of whether it could have harmful effects on people on the Earth or not. It is simply released into the Economy. Most likely it is tested and released flaws and all. But only the wealthy are able to afford electric cars that are dent and smash proof. They don't make cars perfectly death proof because they want you to give them lots of money by repairing and replacing them. This is the same for most consumer goods that are outsourced to other countries to be cheaply made.


This has a bad effect on our planet. Notice that most of the worlds powerful people are old? These old fellows pretty much take what they want and don't think of there children's future. We suck too. 100 years ago if everyone knew that cars would be such a horrible polluter and dangerous for people to drive (and for animals to become road kill).....NO ONE WOULD DRIVE!! And we would survive.
You bastards need to see this shit for yourselves.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9KVTfcAyYGg

http://www.storyofstuff.com/

Don't protest because they'll shoot you many times.

I've been thinking of starting another revolution like in the 60's. only without drugs.There's so many bad things happening around the world that one could protest about.I know protesting is dangerous and changes very little, but it's fun to be a pain in the ass to the powerful people that are messing everything up. I put up little notes and posters in stores about controversial things. I'm sure people rip them down but at least they read them first.

I want to start making some noise but I'm not quite sure how. Hopefully I won't get assassinated like all the other people that tried to make a difference. I made a list of all those who got assassinated by the bad guys that didn't want them to make a difference. Abraham Lincoln, Che Guevara, Gandhi, Martin Luther King, JFK, RFK, John Lennon, Malcolm X, Harvey Milk, James E Davis, Farag Foda...And that's just some of them! If you go to Wikipedia and search for listed assassinations you will find lists of bad guys and good guys that have been ended. A lot of the good guys consisted of journalists, human rights activists and politicians, socialists etc. Yes I've been thinking about protesting but then I thought about all the other people that have tried to make people aware and they were assassinated. I think I'll just sit on my hands and suggest that someone else do it. Too scary.

I'm reading a book called DO IT! by Jerry Rubin, published in 1970. My favorite quote is " a society that suppresses adventure makes the only adventure the suppression of that society." I thought that quote sounded familiar and then I remembered reading a similar quote in the new magazine Adbusters. (a magazine driven to make people aware of how their consumerism affects society) It reads " The society that abolishes every adventure makes its own abolition the only possible adventure." I wonder where they get their inspiration? Still it's very true.

There is a new bylaw to ban smoking in my town effective in the new year. Smokers will have to smoke only in their homes and on two bridges that are owned by the province. I'm sure there are a lot of smokers burdened by their addiction but they are still pissed about the new law. I think it's a bit too much because so many people are too addicted to quit. The law forces people to light up inside around their family. People that are against the law are taking to one of the bridges and protesting. I'm going too, even though I don't smoke. I just want to see what happens. Protesting in smaller tamer groups is much safer then trying to overthrow a corrupt govrnment, as sad as that sounds...

Are we so different?

Yesterday, while in the shower listening to my Radiomate, Queen Latifah's Georgia Rose was playing on the CBC. The chorus went "don't be blue cause you're Black Georgia Rose". It brought me back to my younger days when I was in high school and got teased all the time for being so pale. Everyone said I should get a tan. But I didn't care and I still had boyfriends. So it must not have really mattered that much. As I was stepping out of the tub I began to wonder why we refer to ourselves as "higher beings". We still can't seem to set aside the little tiny insignificant differences we have, like color, race and religion. There are millions of colors to the human eye and we're all different colors. I'm not white, I'm a light pink with freckles. You're not black, you're a brownish color. And it's not like our whole body is that one color. So why do we label ourselves and make it like if you have a slight difference you're a whole other species.

Another thing that I find ridiculous is that the wealthy still need an abundant supply of the poor. And they're still declaring war on whoever has what they want. There are some people that are unfathomly rich while others are unfathomly poor. People shouldn't have that kind of power. Ever since civilizations first began there has been war, slavery, poverty, greed etc. Those characterisics in the human race haven't left us at all. Even in the most "developed" countries. The United States of America is one of these places that will refer to itself as developed... But if you ask me it's still a nation in progress as long as there is war and capitalism. It reminds me of monkey's fighting over territory and food. Human beings still have all the traits of Animals. We mate, eat, crap, kill, steal, ...

If we can set aside our differences, which should be simple (it really should), and work together we could make our planet a utopia for all living things. But for now the earth is a utopia for the wealthy. It's up to the people to change the way we live. But we need leaders to make law and the law seems to favor the wealthy. (ie. if you commit a crime and can afford a damn good lawyer and money for bail you could get away with murder... OJ Simpson). We, the people need to come together and take back our lives and stop focusing on this little differences. We're growing more depressed and anxious with every passing year because of all the hatred and discrimination and lack of money to pay bills. We want better jobs, a less narcissistic society, better education, health care, safety. It's not going to happen by itself. It certainly isn't going to come from any politicion, you should know that by now. If we worked together instead of against each other we would live in better comunities with less crime, but until then our education is getting worse, people are getting gullable and listen to whatever their told, everyone is in debt and people in power will keep telling you to hate those who are different just in case they need to declare war to get what they want and you'll have to join the army because you're poor and too stupid to get an education or you need to pay off your loans. The army pays well. They say that war is good for the economy. It never really worked out for Germany though, even though they gave us a good run for the money. Oh, well, perhaps the U.S. will have better luck in the middle east...